What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
