My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
