My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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