I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
