TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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