White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
how drunk are you?
Several
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
