Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
