Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
