I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
