When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
