Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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