I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
