i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you didnt know i had herpes?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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