he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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