He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
