I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
