You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
