How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Be still, my beating vagina.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
