did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
