i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
