Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
