I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You can make out without kissing
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