Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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