I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
