ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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