The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Its about making memories worth repressing
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
They took my balls.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
