She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
