So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
