he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Randomize
