Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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