I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
