I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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