nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
