Church boner. Awkwardddd
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
