he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
