nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Are we still banned from the library?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize