Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
