if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
