i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
