well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
