ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
