i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
