I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
