I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'm having to shit out rocks
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
