Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
3 2 1 whiskey
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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