Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
