youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
