R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
