he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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