Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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