she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
