I just saw a hot homeless man
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
