We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
