She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
