I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
