I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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