I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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