During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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