I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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