I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize