Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
