my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
