This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
