On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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