My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
