You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
