Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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