i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
