Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Randomize
