it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
