The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
