just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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