if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We need to get me chipped asap
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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