shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The Olympian is in my bed
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
