mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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