So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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