dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
