after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize