she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
