Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
