Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
