we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
