Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
