Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
