Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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