Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
