don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
