hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
