So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
