He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I think I sprained my soul last night
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
