Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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