dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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