I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
