i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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