yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Randomize
