So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
