I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
