Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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