is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you win again, gameday.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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