Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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