I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
don't judge my taste in strippers
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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