My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
