I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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