I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
