is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
