she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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